• Carly Feinman

Day 34- 10.20.20

What I think about while tying my shoelaces

There were times, as a small kid,

when I felt just like myself:

riding beside my sister on a bumpy hayride

with a mouthful of crisp, sticky apple

on a clear October afternoon

waking up in the car in our driveway

neck bent to the side, seatbelt choking my neck

with drool dripping down my chin

after a long drive home

when my dad would toss me up

into the air, high above the chlorinated water,

both of us beaming like fools...

In these moments, a calm would

make itself known in my gut,

a calm as innate as breathing

a calm more powerful than any eminent doom

or potential catastrophe;

the calm of knowing

with absolute certainty

that nothing at all was expected of me

and that I was loved all the same.

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